Unprepared
I just found out that a good friend of mine is diagnosed with a rare type of cancer. I am totally unprepared for this. I don't even know how I should react to this. I don't know if I'll get to see her in the near future because she recently went back to HK. I don't know what else to write.
I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, Maker of heaven, Creator of the earth.
Challenges
I just found out last night that my friend's dad had passed away on Monday. It's a shock for me because we as a small group have been praying for her dad and her family for a while, and I didn't expect the death to come so quickly. When she e-mailed me about it, I had no idea what I should write back in reply. I didn't know which passage to send her, and I didn't know what words were "appropriate" to say. Then my brain started to go all wild, and I tried to imagine what it would be like if I were in her shoe. I have no idea how I can handle such things. Dealing with a loss is never easy.
At around the same time I received a weird ICQ message. The message brought back memories that I would never want to remember again. How do you forgive someone when they try to hurt you again and again (and you have no idea what you've done to deserve such treatment)? My friend blogged about something similar and I happened to be reading it last night, and my thoughts totally echoed his. What's so challenging is the way how I should deal with these people as a Christian. It's easy for me to ignore them, forget about them and cut off my relationship with them so that I have nothing to do with them anymore. But this is not the Biblical standard.
"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that...But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:32-33, 35-36.
In the midst of learning how to protect myself from being hurt again, acting out this passage is the biggest challenge in my life right now.
A lil' update
The reading week passed by so quickly...I had too much fun that my "readings" suffered...I have to work really hard this week to get some major work done! =P
It's such a nice day here in Kingston today, nice and warm, with sunshine and a clear blue sky. I took a walk to get some groceries, and it was a really enjoyable walk. It's very seldom that I don't feel wind gushing into my face...I am glad that Mr. Wind took a break today. =)
I had a really weird dream last night...but I've forgotten most of it...so don't ask me what it's about! =P Anyway, because the dream was so weird, I decided to displace it from my memory and memorized a short Bible passage before I got up from my bed. Hope this will inspire you too. =)
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3
Treats
Wow....I had lots of treats from friends this week....feel so loved! =) I was treated to a really nice dinner at The Keg, a yummy lunch at a Korean restaurant, a late-night dinner ("siu-yeah"), supplies for baking cookies, some Guacamole Doritos, an out-of-the-way ride home from a subway station, meaningful and fun conversations in a fogged up car, several taped TV shows, and a place to watch the shows. Thanks and hugs to Grace, Mike, Rich, Gilly, Ameals and the UHS girls. ^_^
I am also thankful that Kai-An was understanding enough to let me "skip" the autoshow....originally I was very excited about it, but right now my energy level is running low...and I don't think I wanna be out the whole day tomorrow from 10am to 11pm. However, I am looking forward to the orchestral concert tomorrow night. It's going to be very enjoyable. =)
It's easy to take "treats" and blessings for granted sometimes, and it helps to write them down and be reminded of them. They add a lot of "taste" to life, and they make the "bitterness" in life so much easier to handle.
The Bible puts it well,
"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. " Proverbs 17:22
An interesting sermon
"Most of the time the reason why we want to seek God's will is because we want Him to show us the BEST plan for us. However, this should not be the main reason why we should seek God's will.
The reason why we should seek God's will is because we want to bring glory to Him." Sunday's sermon was on "Reasons why we lose faith in God", and the quote mentioned above was one of the punchlines in the sermon. It struck me hard. I've never thought of seeking God's will this way. I've always thought that seeking God's will is for my own good, not for God's glory. This is something that I still have to think about....hmm...it's a very interesting point indeed.
Half of my "Reading week" has gone by fast...and I haven't done much "reading" yet....haha....I should really get started on my "reading"....but it's so much more fun to hang out with friends and sit in front of the TV than to "read"...hehe...
My "awesome" "weekend"
Thanks for a great weekend everyone! =) I had so much fun this weekend...hehe...the Valentine's Day ski trip, "dinner" and "bubble tea" were loads of "FUN".
We went to Snow Valley in Barrie for the ski trip. It was a pretty good ski resort (if you're not too advanced in your skiing skills), they've got many beginner-intermediate slopes, and a few advanced slopes with mogules on them. Anyway, so my friend and I started off with the beginner slopes, then decided that we would try all the blue slopes as well. We got to one of the blue slopes, and we found a sign that said "Mogules ahead". But since it was labelled "blue" we thought there should be a flat side where you could ski on. No no no...we were wrong! The flat side of the slope was so narrow that there's no way you could turn in time if you didn't know parallel turns....so I fell, and as I was about to pick up my lost ski, my body kept sliding down the slope uncontrollably....haha....so you can imagine how FUNNY it was to see someone SLIDING down a slope on her side...haha...and someone had to "rescue" my lost ski for me...but it's kinda stupid for Snow Valley to label that slope as a "blue" slope, coz this "blue" slope was definitely steeper than some of the black diamond slopes that were there.
At night I went out to "dinner" and "bubble tea" with some other friends...haha...we had sooo much "laughs"!!! I can't believe a simple pair of "quotes" can entertain us for the whole night...the power of "quotes"!!! So "Andrew", "Diana", "Richard" and "Vicky", when are we having our next "bubble tea"? "Haha....."
Pictionary and
Taboo with my Europe travelling buddies on Sunday, hehe, that was lots of fun too...although I really suck in Taboo....hehe....my "um" and "ok" probably took up the whole time I was supposed to describe the word.....=P I somehow had "visual problems" reading those tabooed words, coz I kept saying them! =P Hey Europe buddies, we should have our gathering again very soon!!! =D Before I go off to North Bay...
K...enough blogged....gotta be more productive now...but i don't feel like "reading" at all, "reading week" is definitely not for "reading".....yikes!
Happy Valentine's Day my friends! =)
So it's officially Valentine's Day today...=) Tonight at fellowship my youth pastor talked about the Biblical principles of love and relationships. The talk was better than I've expected. It was a great reminder for me, and it encouraged me to hold onto principles that I've always believed in. It made me think and wonder what my future knight in the shining armour is going to be like....hehe...=P
It's sad what Valentine's Day have become these days. The Thursday publication of the Queen's campus newspaper had a huge section on "All you want to know about love and sex". It saddens me to even skim through the big titles of the section, and I realized how my definition of love as a Christian differs from the world's definition of love nowadays.
On this Valentine's Day, I was encouraged to go back to the Bible and be reminded of what love really is.
"This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:9-10 Love is not just about finding the "perfect one", but it's also about giving, serving or even sacrificing for others. Jesus has set an awesome example for each one of us.
How high and how wide, how deep and how long,
how sweet and how strong is your love.
How lavish your grace, how faithful your ways,
how great is your love oh Lord.
3 more days until reading week! =P YAY!!!
I went to a violin recital featuring J.S. Bach with a friend. It was such a great recital! The performer, Lara St. John was SO GOOD! Her fingers were FLYING on the strings of the violin...I wonder how long she practises on her violin per day! She closed her eyes throughout the whole recital while playing her pieces and her body moved with the music. Hehe...I can't even describe it, but it's just so awesome.
I love J.S. Bach! =P I wish I have one of his CDs here in Kingston...I left them all at home. What a great break from my one-week studying for the midterm! =P Now I am hoping that I can go to a piano recital soon....man....I miss my piano! >_<
3 days until reading week...how exciting is that!!! There's so many things lined up for me to do...hehe...wanna catch some movies, meet up with friends, go on a ski trip, play "Taboo" with my Europe travelling buddies, watch taped up TV shows, go to the autoshow (providing that I can get someone who knows more about cars to go with me), have some bubble tea, travel to Ottawa to see the Dead Sea Scrolls and skate on the Canal...hehe....so exciting! =P
So I guess I am finally feeling better emotionally, much better. =) God has been showing me that my "downs" are actually blessings in disguise. It's so easy to let blessings slip by without noticing them.
I got some time to read through a review done by Newsweek on Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ"...hmm...I am looking forward to see the movie, but I can imagine that it would be quite disturbing for me to see on screen instead of reading in the Bible how Jesus actually died. There are many who is worried that the movie will stir up anti-semitic feelings...I really pray that this movie can be used to draw people closer to God.
Speaking the truth in love? How?
"Instead,
speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ." Ephesians 4:15
Sometimes speaking the truth in love is harder than not speaking the truth, coz often by speaking the truth you may hurt the other person even though you have no intention of doing it. Sigh...and it's such a horrible feeling when you realized that you've actually hurt that person by speaking the truth...is there a way out in this?
Midterm tomorrow...argh...
I am not alone, and you're not either! =)
I am still feeling a little...hmm...melancholy at times (Thanks for the word Rich!) but things have been better. Thanks to all who had commented on my previous blog and had chats with me...it's interesting how talking to people helps even though it may not always help the situation. =) Then I started to realize that friends around me have been dealing with similar emotions too...hm...I wonder why, it must be the weather, the slushy snow! My housemate says it's because of Valentine's Day coming up...haha...I disagree...but for whatever reason, I just want to tell each one of you who feels like you're in a "valley", that I am praying for you all, and I am with you all. =)
Lately I've been reading Genesis as my leisure Bible reading, and today I came across Genesis 17. This is the chapter when God appeared and told Abraham that he is going to have a son from his wife Sarah, and at that time Abraham was already 99. What caught me in the passage was Abraham's reaction when God told him that he will have a son.
"Abraham fell face down;
he laughed and said to himself, 'Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?' 'If only Ishmael might live under your blessing!' "
(Gen. 17:17-18)
Even Abraham, the father of faith has his times of disbelief, and he laughed when God told him that he would have a son. I think I have been in a similar attitude lately. I laugh when God tells me that He is giving me the best. "Yeah right God, haha, I don't think so." But in the end, Abraham got a son and God did not break His promise. There is definitely hope when I trust. When he says that He is giving me the best, not even the second best, He means it. I can tell because He gave me Jesus.
"He who did not spare His own son, but gave Him up for us all--how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32 What a powerful verse!
Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You
There is no greater thing.
You're my all, you're the best.
You're my joy, my righteousness,
and I love You Lord.
When things don't go your way...
It's frustrating when things don't go your way...you wonder why, but wondering about it makes you more frustrated. When you wish to sit down in a classroom and take notes, someone spills the whole cup of coffee on you and walks away; when you wish to remember everything that you've studied, you feel like your brain can't hold everything in and you're tired; when you wish to tell people about Jesus and about how important He is in your life, you're afraid that you'll ruin the friendships that you've built; when you wish that a friendship would go certain way, it ends up going the other way; when you wish that someone can study with you, you end up studying alone; when you wish to talk about your opinion and belief in something, you find that your tongue is stuck; when you wish that God will give you a candy, He ends up giving you a banana. Even though in retrospect you'll know why God didn't give you the candy but the banana instead, it's always hard when you're still in the situation, and have not walked far enough to look back yet.
"He who did not spare His own son, but gave Him up for us all--how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32 I love this verse and I have experienced the power of this verse. But as a child of God who does not have the full perspective of everything, it's hard to trust and wait patiently. Waiting is always hard.
I am loved ^_^
First of all, I just want to say THANK YOU for caring enough to read my thoughts. I feel very loved and special that my counter has reached 1000!!! ^_^ At times I feel like I am talking to myself and no one reads my blog, and I lose my motivation to blog...but then I realize that maintaining my blog is a way for me to be vulnerable, to let others walk beside me and to let others care about me, especially friends in Toronto that I don't get to see very often. So once again I want to say that I feel loved that out of all the things that you can do, you would choose to read my blog. =) It means a lot to me! =)
I have recently started to go to coffee shops to study again. I used to do this quite often when I was at U of T, but I stopped after I came to Kingston. Now that I am more familiar with the area, I started to go to Indigo, Second Cup, Tim Hortons and the Queen's Common Ground to study. It's funny how I study better when there are noises around me. They force me to concentrate. I guess it's also because of the caffeine that I am getting! =P Anyway, today I was at Tim Hortons, and surprisingly I couldn't concentrate. I can usually concentrate pretty well in any coffee shops, but today I couldn't. First I was distracted by the homeless person sitting outside of Tim's, and I regretted not spending some time to talk to her when I gave her the hot chocolate. Then after a while different groups of friends started to float through my mind while I was trying to study....it's such a weird feeling, I felt like there was a stage in my mind and different friends continue to go on and off the "stage". So I decided to jot all the names down to clear my thoughts, and I jotted down more than 20 names....it was so crazy!
Does anyone want to tell me what is happening to my brain? =P
Wheelchair ride
It was definitely an eye opener for me to be in a wheelchair today, and I would never have imagined how different it would be to view things from a vantage point so much lower than everyone else. Today I was working on a group project, and part of the project requires us to move around with a wheelchair, go into a bathroom cubicle on our own, photocopy pages from a textbook, go up and down a curb and a ramp...I had no idea how hard each task was. It takes a lot of upper body strength to manoever the chair properly and to go in and out of places on your own. One experience that really struck me was going on the elevator in my wheelchair. To get to the library, I had to take the elevator up a floor. It was hard for me to go into the elevator backwards, then as I looked around in the elevator, everyone else seemed so much taller than I was. Even though they were just looking at me normally like they would look at other people, I felt like they were staring at me, which was a very strange feeling! Being in a wheelchair made me feel so much lower than other people, and I couldn't reach half of the things that were around me. I can't imagine how many obstacles and barriers a person in a wheelchair has to go through everyday!
