I will remember you, will you remember me...
Abdu, one of my housemates, left us for Regina tonight. It's so sad to see him leave. Over the past 7 months three of us have built up a deep friendship living in the same house together, and loud laughing sprees are not uncommon in this house. As my other housemate (Sam) and I witnessed Abdu's departure tonight, both of us were almost in tears. I guess this is life...
Before Abdu left, Sam and I decided to leave Abdu with a "special" gift. Abdu likes Sarah McLaughlin's "I will remember you", so I used my very limited guitar skills to accompany us while Sam and I were singing the song to Abdu. Abdu recorded it all on tape...haha...it was so weird listening to my own voice being played on the tape afterwards. Then we were all so hyped up that none of us wanted to do work, so we ended up singing another song together..."The first cut is the deepest, baby I know, the first cut is the deepest...". Haha....now Rachel, are you sure you want to live with me next year? =P
The house is now quiet once again after all that commotion. Sam is asleep, both Ravi and I are in front of the computer, Abdu's room is empty...
Cecilia & children of the world
They found Cecilia's body...=**( Her parents must be devastated now, after many months of hope that she will return safe and sound. I just can't help but to feel sad for this little girl, even though I've never met her before. Then it struck me that there are millions of children dying each day in other parts of the world, but I am not aware of it until something like this Cecilia news gets me thinking. Maybe there is something more I can do than just sitting here and thinking...
Beside the train tracks...
I went to a banquet at my church tonight, and I had a chance to see some pictures of the urban poor in the Philippines. A lot of the houses are built right next to the train tracks. The kids would play on the tracks, and run away when the train arrives. What a dangerous and noisy place to live in!!! Their houses are all built from moldy wood and metal plates, and they look like they can fall apart anytime in the picture. Some houses are built along a polluted canal where it smells like rotten garbage all the time. I can't imagine myself living in this kind of living conditions...and once again I realize how fortunate I am living in a North American country, with university education and a computer to type out my thoughts. It would be so easy for me to stay in my "comfort zone", but I know this is not God's plan for me. And I wonder: would I be willing to live in such conditions if this is where God calls me to serve Him? I think I will be willing, but it will be very challenging.
"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."
-Matthew 5:3-5
Knots + Card search
KNOTS
I have knots starting to tie up in my stomach already even though my presentation is not until Friday...and I don't even have to speak for a very long time...
Philippians 4:5-6 will definitely come in handy...
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and and your minds in Christ Jesus."
CARD SEARCH
I can't believe that I can't find a proper baptism card after going into more than 5 card shops in Kingston! Then I decided to resort to Easter cards, and I still had a hard time finding a good one. What's with the "Religious Easter Cards" with an egg and a bunny on it?
Also, I realized that there are less cards for brothers than for sisters. I had a hard time finding a good card for my brother's birthday as well. I miss my card shops and book stores in Toronto...
Boring truth or interesting story?
I am not a big fan of "Fantasy" books or movies, but aside from Lord of the Rings, Big Fish is one of the few fantasy movies that I really enjoyed seeing tonight. It has a very interesting story line and some pretty funny special effects...although I must say that the twins who had their bodies connected kinda freaked me out a little bit....=P
The movie made me wonder: Would I prefer to hear about the straight, simple and "boring" truth (as the movie puts it), or would I prefer part of a truth with interesting and elaborated stories attached to it? I think I would prefer the former...what would you prefer?
Cookies reflection
Baking cookies
- When I decide to follow a recipe, I don't know if it actually works or not. I just need to try it out, and it's really by faith that I trust the recipe.
- My trust in the particular recipe increases if I have used other recipes from the same website and have found them good.
- During the process, there are times when I am doubtful about whether the cookies will turn out, coz the "goo-iy" cookie dough looked much softer than the ones I baked before.
- After tasting the first cookie, I realized that I should have put in more chocolate chips (just like what the recipe says)...but nevertheless the cookies are pretty good, very soft and chewy. =)
Walking with God
Trusting God with my future requires faith. As I learn more about Him and His character, I come to put more faith in Him because I have experienced Him to be a trustworthy God in the past. There are times when I doubt whether God is walking with me, and whether His plan is the best (since His plan may be different from mine), so I may stubbornly choose to deviate from His plan at times. But God's protective hands will not let me fall, even though I am stubborn and may not follow him 100%, He still has control over my life and I know that my future will still be bright. =)
*By the way...I made my FIRST THREE splints today!!! hehe...how exciting is that!!! ^o^
Contrast
More bombings in Iraq, as if there haven't been enough, 29 dead...Four American Baptist missionaries were killed in a drive-by shooting on Tuesday while they were working on a water-purification project. They knew it was a high risk mission going into Iraq, but they loved the Iraqis that they were ready to give up their lives there, and they did.
On the other side of the world, a girl got upset because she lost her library photocopying card which had $5 on it. She is stressed because she has 3 projects due in the coming 2 weeks. She got annoyed because one of her housemates is too busy watching Cricket games online to get himself some cold medication and instead asked her to supply him the medication he needed.
What a contrast at two different parts of the world.
annoyed
Argh...group projects are so annoying...what's even more annoying is that I know I have so much to do, but I can't concentrate in my room to get my stuff done!!! I can't even go out of my room because I need to use the computer, and there are so many things that I can do with the computer other than doing my work...
Haha...I am such a baby...I can't believe I am whining to you like this...=P
Why am I here?
The Madrid bombing killed 200 and wounded 1500, suspect in Madrid bombing linked to Sept. 11 suspect...continuous air strikes and bombings in Gaza...massive fire erupts in Moscow...such are the headlines that I see on the Globe and Mail. This made me ponder: What kind of world am I living in? I spent the whole weekend with a bunch of med students and docs and had a wonderful time drumming on a guitar case and engaging in inspiring discussions. After I got back and sat in front of the computer reading the news headlines, it dawned on me that I am back to my "real word". It's hard not to be downhearted when I envision what kind of challenges I'll have to face in this world. To be honest, if it isn't for Jesus, I can't think of any other reason why I ought to live in this world in the midst of all this chaos. What's the point of living if there is no ultimate purpose in life and everything that you work so hard to achieve will be gone the second you die? Is there a reason I need to do good if there is no God, afterlife or judgement? Having said that, I am very grateful that I know why I am living, I know that there is a God who loves me just as I am, and I know that in the midst of chaos and suffering in this world, I can find joy and peace in the almighty God who has everything in control.
Well...I know some of you may have lots to say about what I just wrote. You're welcome to comment, or even send me a personal E-mail. I will be more than happy to have a great chat with you. =) Hope you have some time today to think about why you are here...
It's such a nice day out today...the sun makes me happy! =)
Power vs. love
Haven't blogged for a while...and it's so nice to see my counter going up even though I haven't been writing anything new...the counter reminds me of how much people like you care about me, and I am very thankful for those of you who called me up and checked on me. =) You have no idea how much it means to me that you're reading my blog...=)
There's so much that I want to blog about, and i don't know where to start. God's been very faithful, and He's been there for me, all this time, to go through my "growing pains" with me. =) Before I get to the more "serious" stuff, I want to let you all know that I have tasted the BEST hot chocolate today at Coffee & Company in Kingston. It was so yummy...and just to see them making it was exciting...hehe...=P My friend and I went there after a Praise and Worship event tonight...hm...hope I am not going to be addicted to it or I'll be in BIG TROUBLE! ^O^
Since I can't really put all my thoughts into words properly, I thought I would share some exerpts from a book with you. It's from "The Jesus I never knew" by Philip Yancey, and it's one of the books that I am reading right now.
...God's power is internal and noncoercive.
...God made himself weak for one purpose: to let human beings choose freely for themselves what to do with him.
...At times I want God to overwhelm me, to overcome my doubts with certainty, to give final proofs of his existence and his concern. I want God to take a more active role in human affairs as well...
...I want God to take a more active role in my personal history too. I want quick and spectacular answers to my prayers, healing for my diseases, protection and safety for my loved ones. I want a God without ambiguity, One to whom I can point for the sake of my doubting friends.
...although power can force obedience, only love can summon a response of love, which is the one thing God wants from us and the reason he created us
...God's nature is self-giving; he bases his appeal on sacrificial love
...In short, Jesus showed an incredible respect for human freedom.
By restraining His power to control us, God is putting his own reputation at risk. But He loves us so much that He is willing to risk His reputation so that we are not just robots, but we have a choice whether to love him back or not. He definitely has the power to show himself from the heavens right now, but this would leave us no choice whether to trust in Him or not.
growing pains
These past few days have been quite hard for me emotionally. The news of my good friend getting cancer is slowly sinking in, and it's still painful to deal with. I felt like the world had stopped and I couldn't get myself to do any school work. My brain wouldn't stop thinking about my friend and it was hard falling asleep. I wrote an e-mail to my pastor and told him about the news, and his reply surprised me. He said that I am a "big girl" now and I need to "prepare myself to face this kind of news among my peers". It sounded so depressing, but I guess this is the reality. The news has become my new growing experience. I need to learn how to move on and not to dwell on the news too much emotionally. Instead, I need to acknowledge that yes my friend is sick, but the world doesn't stop for me because I am feeling horrible, and letting my emotions go wild doesn't help the situation. Instead I can choose to be there for her, and offer my encouragement and prayers for her. Even though I feel helpless, I know that the Almighty God is in control. If He doesn't allow it, not one piece of hair will fall from my friend's head. I almost wish that I can be in my friend's place, but I know it's a silly thought, because God has a special plan for her and for me. This news has also helped me put my life into perspective once again. Ever since I moved to Kingston there have been different challenges that led me to a myopic view of my life. This news is a good reminder for me to look higher and further. My problems in life become much smaller when I think of them as something that will help me grow, and something that will prepare me to "press on toward the goal to win the prize which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus".
Growth involves pain. Is it worth it to grow? I think it is, when I know why I need to grow. Thus my nickname--the GROWING FLOWER.
