Random babbles
I thank God that work has been much better. The kids this session are very cooperative, which is much better than kids from last session. However, one girl almost made me cry today. This girl has been used to getting her own way, and she is always the first one to scream into my ears when anything doesn't go her way. Today she gave me a really hard time.....wow.....it was quite a challenge not to get mad at her and still smile at her afterwards. I thank God that I have a heart that melts in front of kids, or else it would have been very difficult for me to handle. This sour experience came with a sweet experience today as well. One of the kids actually gave each counsellor a present! That was so sweet of her. It makes me really happy because I have never expected such gift...and the gift caught me offguard.
Seems like I am not making too much sense here...it's late, 3:10am, haven't stayed up this late for a long time. I usually go to bed at around 11pm during weekdays so that I can have enough energy to take care of the kids. Lately I don't feel very in sync with God, I feel like I am a problem child who keeps nagging God for things and ignoring His voice when He tries to speak to me. I really hope I can get out of this stage.....God must be holding back tears for me, just like how I was holding back tears for one of the campers today.
Very tired...
I don't remember when was the last time that I felt this emotionally drained...last week I dreaded work because of the whiny kids. This week the kids are really good, thank God, but I still dread work. It's really frustrating when your work is not recognized, and when you feel that there is nothing you can do about a situation. You try your best, but according to human standard you haven't tried hard enough. Colossians 3:20 has been really handy lately for me to encourage myself,
"Whatever you do, work at it with ALL YOUR HEART, as working for the LORD, NOT for men." If my aim is to show my supervisor how good a camp counsellor I am, it would never work. The key is to try my best and tell myself that I am working for the Lord, and I am genuinely loving these kids because of the love that Jesus has shown me. As long as my focus is on trying my best for God and pleasing God with my job, then nothing can stop me from loving these kids and trying my best even when I am misunderstood and misperceived. This is the only way to get rid of my frustration and my dread of work.
The summer job has been much more challenging than I have expected. Being a camp counsellor is something that I have done many times, and I am usually comfortable around children. After last year's experience as a special needs counsellor, I thought nothing else can be harder than that...I was wrong. I am currently working as a camp counsellor at the Bayview Country Club. Kids who go to the camps organized by the Country Club have wealthy parents and they are so used to having everything they want. They would complain to the counsellors for EVERYTHING! I am serious, they complain about
everything! When we lead a game, they would complain that it is the most boring game before they even get a chance to play it. Then they would suggest their own game for us to play. I have always thought that I am a patient person, but these kids have challenged me to think that I am actually not that patient...and my patience runs low particularly when I get home by the end of the day...I seem to get frustrated more easily with my parents' "comments".
One day it struck me that I am exactly like one of these kids, and God is the camp counsellor. I would nag God for something that I want, and foolishly get mad at God for not granting my requests. I fail to appreciate what I have and I fail to recognize that God is God, and He has the best for me. I complain, I cry, I groan. Maybe the kids need to understand that we as camp counsellors set up rules for them to follow for their own interest, for reasons that they won't understand. Maybe I need to understand that God doesn't always grant my requests because of my own good, and for reasons that I may not, or will never understand. But ultimately,
"He who did not spare His own son, but gave Him up for Jacqueline--How will He not also, along with Him, graciously give Jacqueline all things?" Romans 8:32
